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my open diary! so basically I blog mostly about me lah hahaha :P

Saturday, April 18, 2015


I remember on the other day, I was badly moody due to menstrual pain and discomfort. I kept whining and shouting to Ben "I want to be happy but I AM NOT HAPPY". Ben tried to please me in so many ways. I shouted so many times "I AM STILL NOT HAPPY" as everything he did, didn't working yet, some even annoy me. but Ben keep on trying until he finally managed to make me happy. I do not know how he do that. you know, it was not easy to make me happy while having  bad period. he's such magic!

I also do not know what I've done. periods are ridiculous. I should have not shout and whine. buruk perangai :( like it was his fault if I'm not happy, so then he MUST makes me happy in any ways. I must thank Ben for his patience treating my ugly mood swing. thank you bunny!

sometimes indeed I will behave very bad and weird during period. I can became super lazy, but sometimes the other way around. I can be very grumpy, and suddenly glows in happy. usually I can not wait to eat something that I think I MUST EAT, and it must be fulfilled by the day! if not, I can turn into a monster, a grumpy and fugly monster. these things can affect people surrounding and I hate that so much. but sometimes I just can't control myself to not to :(

Ben tolerates my nature well, I am about to cry. looking back remembering every single things he had done solely to make me happy makes me feel very lucky.....and grateful. I've questioning myself what have I done right to deserve someone who is very nice to me. then I remembered, I've been always prayed I'll found someone who will really stick with me during my worst and my best. 

I'm so happy :')

a little conversation with Ben that I never want to forget. we were talking about random topic like we usually do. during some idle time, I caught the boy looking at me, smiling. as I'm having my early days of menstruation at that time, what Ben do actually gives me a slight of uncomfortable feeling. on the second time I caught him still looking at me, I asked:

  • me: you look what?! why you stare at me?!
  • Ben replied: I'm looking at my princess. 

awh, melts! I didn't know if he was just randomly said that because he's not that type! so as I didn't want to perasan lebih, I respond him with only a smile like those lovely words he said didn't matter to me. tapi tuhan saja lah yang tahu betapa happyy berbunga cinta terus hati ni bila the boy call me what? his princess!

girls liked that. well at least, me.

no folks. on that day, I did not look like a princess. I look very serabai one. but that's what makes me very happy. someone finally see a princess in serabai me.

I love you Ben. so much.

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Saturday, April 11, 2015

overcoming insecurities

you know those days when you’re just feeling so down? the day when you have so many time to be alone to stalk pictures and videos of so gifted people on the internet and then you get extremely jealous and finally is not motivated to live. that is when the sense of insecurities strike. I must say I get into those day often before and I remember how bad it felt :)

I found that I would get into such days if I wake up and do not directly take my shower but surfing the internet through my phone instead. so put your phone aside and always start your day with shower peopleee.

showers help us to relax and ease our mind (I just read about it on the internet LOL). sebab tu bila bangun pagi perlu terus mandi! bagi relax dan ease otak kita gitu! I don't know lah if this function to you, but it function to me to have a good day, a positive thought day! the thing is we are just too quick to compare ourselves to others. we lost in our own thought and we tend to believe only negative things about us. so cuba bayangkanlah pagi-pagi time kita rimas serabut belum mandi, mata kita tengok benda-benda yang boleh buat insecure, kesiaann kepala otak kita kann :D

next time when you are feeling so down;
  • laugh at your stupid thought,
  • and go take your bath,
  • unsubscribed the internet,
  • restrain yourself from taking selfie, for a while pleaseee.....girls.

well at least I give you ideas. I hope you can relate.

I am serious about unsubscribing the internet and stop taking selfies (if you still do, you will never stop comparing and feel insecure). take a vacation from log in to your social apps to recall the good in you, pamper yourself more, go out, have fun and live the real world. because I had mine and it was awesome!

"tell me I'm pretty even when I'm not bunny!!" ........... "OK

by the way, I believe it is okay to be a little insecure! sometimes we just can't avoid to not to kan?! normal lah tu kot but just don't let you drift in a bad thought about yourself for too long lah emkay? because each one of us is special on our own way whattttt!! and we are important and everything about us ----> matter, at least to us!! we girls have to believe that!! :D

all girls are pretty, except in the eyes of an insecure.

tata for now, pretty creatures! :)

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