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my open diary! so basically I blog mostly about me lah hahaha :P

Friday, December 19, 2014

blow up the dust

yeah, I abandoned my blog in November, with no any entry, no any updates. I don't even have time to log in into the dashboard. I guess if my blog is a real diary book there must be some sprinkles of dust on the top. btw hello everyone, I'm still alive. still hanging around here?

that was Benny driving.  he loves dressed sexy lately.

what a tough semester guys. a lot of assignments were given but only managed to find a slight of reference materials, what to do? dapat markah nanti redha saja lah. plus, I faced so many health problems and last month was the worst. I skipped so many classes but due to so many group meeting and presentations,  I still need to wake up and get dressed as usual. except, I don’t do my everyday makeup and refused to wear contact lenses because I get paranoid thinking about what if I get so sick and get fainted with my lenses on? walking slow with pale face and short sighted, I thought all days I must be looked like a zombie.

I hate that last few weeks I get super moody and grumpy. I guess it is because the pressures that life brings to me.

I regret that very much, that moody and grumpy thingies.

because it was terrible, like very terrible guys.  I am stupid enough to shout over the boy for any small mistakes either made by me or him to release the burdens. so when the boy get angry (too) and went away, I was left to my own devices and felt so lonely. I just realize that I rely for happiness, entertainment, get my jobs done, and almost everything on that boy way too much. so when he is not around, I become a hermit.

I wonder if the boy feels the same way too.

I learned love should allow you and the other person to make mistakes and is still there in the end. I learned that my boyfriend is only human. in fact, everyone is. he is not perfect and I am so, sooo far from being perfect myself. silly me and silly you (too) Benny! how can we easily forgot that human makes mistakes and that’s okay! in the end of the day you are still the ones that filled my tummy with so much joy and it was always my smile that can makes you so yearning.

also, I love that I learnt if something is important to me, I should get the thing done myself. like if I want something, it was me who should work hard to get them in my hand. if I want to go to somewhere, it was me who should get my ass off to go to the places. so at least, if the thing doesn't work like how I desired it to be, I have no one to blame but myself.

however, all those difficult times that we went through together is what make us grow. we both discovered that hard times can help us learn how to appreciate a person or things even more. we all have those moments when things are not quite right. some things were not even make sense at all. sometimes we all have to feel alone and frightened before we can appreciate.

not just about love and lover thingies lah, we should appreciate mummy daddy (too), family, good friends, and anyone or everything in our surrounding. I hope you can relate!

my first met w Ben's mummy and daddy earlier this month

anyway, one most important thing that I learnt is, we should never give up on person we love. I mean like why let go something that you once wanted? kan??!!

final examination is just about a week after today, by now I shall start clogging my nose with books and notes! good luck to me, Benny, and to you too! I hope everyone will pass with flying colors! 

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Saturday, October 25, 2014


I love to say that recently I learnt to treasure, to love, and to appreciate. I feel like I've been receiving too much love lately then I think that there is a need for gratitude. syukur alhamdulillah. I am very grateful for every little things that happen to me, both good and bad.

I am grateful for my loving parents. I must thank them for being such an awesome mom and daddy for me. now I see, they may not (or cannot) give me everything that I want, but there they are.... always trying very hard to provide all my need. how can I be so blind for so long? I can't believe I'm typing this with tears. I love my mom and dad so much.

I made some new friends recently (or actually it was them who make friends with me) and I must say I love meeting new people. I got to know who are my true friends and who are those who doesn't give a fuck about anything. I might not be a good friend for everyone but at least I'm true. I don't do friend for benefits and hypocrite. disgusting youu. I may look like I don't care, but I'm not stupid. 

however, this is not a serious entry ah!! I type this with chillax mood okay except in which paragraph I talked about mammy daddy I get emo a bit LOLOL.

of course lah YAKIN, LOLOL!

hey sexy-eyed boy that I love so much, I know it was hard for you to handle my cuteness everyday LOLOL. please bear with my cuteness and craziness for many more years okay? because I would always love Hello Kitty and I don't mind to be a kid at heart and act like one to annoy you as long as I'm alive. 

hey pretty-loving boy that I miss so much, I know I'm a bit stubborn but you've been such darling. your comments were always right on the ball, and you've been always supportive and understanding. thank you for always be there for me through thick and thin. I want you to know that you've been awesome. 

today is 25/10. happy monthsary my baby BENNY, I love you! I know right now you must be STILL undergoing your air force's training but I hope you'll read this sooner! you know I miss you so much! I hope I would always bring happiness to your life as how you constantly sprinkle tons of joy on mine, and I hope you poop everyday because in the matter of fact poop-ing everyday is good for you :) shit twice is better LOLOL!

ai miss chu soo much ai kenot wait to meet you tomorrow chuu noeee ai kennotttt!

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